A kid at this Welcome Week concert just said "on the outside I'm young but on the inside I'm old." On the outside I'm saying "fuck you."
Probably a bad sign if you ask your doctor if you have cancer and he says “big time”
At a job interview: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years" "in a mirror, just like I do today, duhhhh" "you're hired, here's $192,000"
Hey cool guy, don't audibly say "Wow" when you see a hot girl. You'll freak her out. Just make eye contact with her and mouth "Wow".
"Oh snap, the old Free Credit Report .Com band is dissing the new band... shit's about to get cray" - King Of All Ass Hats
No i do not wanna funnel a mountain dew
Piers Morgan is interviewing Jeff Foxwothy about a bible game show. America, wtf are we even doing anymore?
Working with Spike Jones on my new documentary where I try to meet Neve Campbell & Denise Richards called Where the Wild Things Are.
As always, I will vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to do the time change thingy were it's light later in the day all year.
At the Zoo instead of the gym. Pretty much the same. I'm sweaty, thirsty &considering letting one of these hairy animals rip off my spandex.