Shopping for a portable CD player in 2011

"I feel so old!" That phrase sound familiar? That's because you've probably said it several times a week regardless of what age you are right now, unless you're a kid under 13 and you have no awareness of what the fuck is happening around you whatsoever enjoy it while it lasts! We all say it because in that very moment we're doing something or being a part of something that helps us realize our advancing age and deteriorating abilities across the board. It's a form of self deprecation we all kinda mockingly say, usually around someone older than us, that helps us relate to people on a basic human level. We're all aging, we all know it, and we all like to throw that fact into small talk as if we're reminding each other of how things used to be way better when we were kids.

I had that feeling old moment today while looking for a portable CD player. Here's the deal, I drive a Ford Taurus w a tape deck, I live in a house with no boombox(another relic), the computer disc drive doesn't work, and all other options like the DVD player seem patently ridiculous to listen to a CD.  There's more to the reason I was in the market for such a outdated piece of technology but really nobody cares so I'll get to the point.  I was in Target, and having no luck finding this antique necessity, I asked an employee, who directed me to a section where there were devices that played CDs, but none so that could be deemed portable.  So I was slightly annoyed, but really what am I going to do? Go home and complain that Target doesn't carry a larger line of a product nobody gives a shit about anymore? So that's the part where I say to myself the quote up there about being old, because nothing says "getting older" like being the guy looking for a typewriter at Best Buy. But for me I don't care, and it lets me know I'm a part of the real world where spending $10 on a basic music player is the norm and having a Smart phone with every song ever isn't a tangible option at the moment.

So we're all getting older, it sucks, and eventually you're going to be that poor bastard just trying to listen to their Now 27 CD. But it's cool people, I'm there with ya!

Gourmet Cupcakes & Scrabble

So I saw a bumper sticker that said "I play scrabble...and I Vote!" Which amazed me because I figured that the board game demographic was pretty much the most dependable for community participation.  I mean the average Scrabble player is about 92 years old and pretty much their priorities are play scrabble, vote, and try not to shit their pants.  One of those is far more difficult than the other two, which is why Depends exist.  How is there even a market for that kind of obvious bumper sticker? Here are some other bumper sticker ideas I'm sure they missed out on:
- I live in Detroit...and I'm unemployed!
- I go to Syracuse...and I've had sex with Laura and Bernie Fine!
- I live in Arkansas...and my wife is my sister!
- I live in America...and I subscribe to the illusion that my vote counts!

Anyways my friend told me the other night that people have the false notion that he is the type of person who eats gourmet cupcakes.  Now I don't know a single person on the face of the earth that I would ever peg as a "gourmet cupcake guy" because that conversation would never happen between two people. I offer this fictional scenario:
Guy 1 : Dude I bet you that dude loves cupcakes.
Guy 2: Nah, by the looks of him and the way he talks and acts, he definitely doesn't just eat any cupcake. This guy is all about handmade, upscale restaurant, gourmet motherfucking cupcakes.
Guy 1: Is this conversation really happening?
Guy 2: I guess in some one's vast imagination, it already did.

Before I go, just know that if you ever overhear a old person tell someone they don't have any change, you tell them they're full of shit, and you rob them.

Happy Holidays everybody!

RIP Patrice