Work Bloggin!

Small talk needs to fucking die.  It has no place in our lives.  I'm not even referring to "how was your day?" or "What's up?" because those are just conversation starters and I'd be quite the asshole, well a bigger asshole if I had a problem with those cursory statements.  I'm talking about "how was work?", comments on the weather we all are well aware of as fellow living things, and just things we generally don't care about, like people I don't know and don't care about, mostly celebrities and your family.

I love my family. Love them. But do I talk about what my sister is going to school for ever? Absolutely never.  Is that because I have no clue what she goes to school for? Noooo. That fact is irrelevant. She goes for something, I'm pretty sure. If you're reading this Adrianna, let me know sometime, love you! Anyways, wasn't that last sentence the most boring thing you've ever read? Precisely my point.

So don't tell me about your daughter's ballet recital.  Unless she's single, attractive (to me) and over 18.

Don't show me pictures of your baby, all babies look the same to me, actually most people under the age of 17 look the same to me, so forget them too.

Your dog is boring.  I have a cat I love. Wanna hear about him? google the word cat, that should sum it up.

Your work is boring, if you hear me talk about mattresses for more than 10 consecutive seconds you have permission to slap me across the face.

Don't talk to me about sports that aren't on ESPN or are soccer. That's a personal one, just an FYI.

And if this offends you in any way, good news, you don't have to talk to me! We both win! Well mostly me but whatever!  Good luck and take my advice and be interesting, people will love you or hate you, and that's better than getting stuck in shit conversations with people you hate right?

A conversation between me and my cat Mojames (Cat's perspective)

Me: Mo Mo!
Mojames: Yes, that is my name what uh whats up?
Me: Shmosh
Mojames: Yes we've established that my name is indeed a variation of mojames.
Me: What u doin?
Mojames: Uh kinda just walking around here as I do every day because you've basically made leaving verboten, and like I don't have a lot of job opportunities what with being locked in this house since forever so I'm kinda dependent on you people for sustenance. Fuckin sucks man.
Me: you're so damn cute!
Mojames: Thanks I appreciate the compliment I guess but I honestly have no concept of attractiveness, have you seen other cats? we all look exactly the same.  I'll honestly fuck anything at this point, and that includes your pillow.
Me: You're the best cat ever Mo!
Mojames: Really? I mean hooray I guess but what did I do? Be cute? Jesus you're fucking shallow, is nothing important other than my looks.
Me: Why are you so awesome?
Mojames: *Sigh* I...gotta get goin. can you please open your bedroom door so I can just leave without a fight.
*I pick him up and hug him*
Mojames: damnit, alright yay cool ya love me please just let me go!
*I set him down and let him out the door*
Mojames: I'll see ya in 5 minutes...

Girls are pretty

I wouldn't say I'm egotistical but I don't often give thought to things that don't affect me in some way.  I think that's pretty normal but something we don't really acknowledge because it sounds so self centered and not endearing.  But it is totally true, because more often than not I do give great thought to how my decisions will affect me.  It just varies on long term effect and short term effect.  My problem is that I think long term but can only make effective decisions for myself in the short term.  For example, when I have a desire, whether it be to write a screenplay, run a 5k race, or forget those two previous ideas and write a blog, I act on that with the intent on making myself happy at the current moment. The only time we really regret things is when they're still affecting us after they happened.  (Editors note: Vince just went on facebook for 10 minutes, then he typed this because he thought that was amusing. Third person is fun.) For example if I go see a shitty movie, which is quite often these days, I pay for a ticket, lose that hour and a half, and go on with my life.  Maybe I shit on the movie to people but in general I forget I even saw it (Yeah Contagion, I forgot I even watched your overrated garbage movie, you're fucking irrelevant!)

But I'm talking about decisions that will shit on you for years and years.  Relationships. Jobs. A degree you take out private loans to pay for and gets you nowhere.  You may notice some bitterness on that last one, and that's good because it's quite palpable.  So if you ask me if I regret going to a private school for a degree I'm currently having finding no use for other than a coaster in my room at my moms house where I live at age 24, I'll answer it in two parts.  Yes I regret having to shell out $300+ each month for that coaster/degree, no doubt about it I am not doing well enough in life to piss away that kind of money on the equivalent to having a fucking star named after me.  But no I don't regret making that horrible decision because now I'm forced to deal with it every day.  And that makes me who I am today.  Do I believe in fate? I don't know really, I just believe things are going to happen, and every day that I continue to be able to say and do whatever I want really, is a pretty good day.  You worry me America, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Now go back to your regularly scheduled binge eating.