Friday, February 24, 2012

The incomparable whatever

I'm tired of the use of the word "incomparable". It's nearly always used to describe a person, typically a celebrity of some sort, and I've never understood it for a second. To me, everyone is comparable, every single person on the planet, no matter how unique they may be.

Now I'm not totally unaware of expressions. People often speak in hyperbole to magnify the relative importance of a person. But incomparable? The definition of incomparable is a subject for which comparison is impossible.

So...when is it impossible to compare a celebrity to another person? We all have similar qualities in some respect. Nobody is totally different from someone else, just like nobody is exactly the same as someone else. Which is why I say we can compare anyone to anyone.

Is Hitler incomparable? I'd compare other genocidal lunatics with him probably. Now, is his genocide of the Jewish people incomparable? Possibly since I can't think of anyone else who tried such a venture. But in general, killing people is typically comparable.

Is Michael Jordan incomparable? Not at all. But that's sports, and if you play the same sport as someone else, you can be compared to them. I could compare my basketball abilities to Jordan's, and while my abilities are dwarfed (And would be even if I stayed 24 forever and played against a 75 yr old Jordan).

So all I'm saying is everyone is essentially comparable. Even the greatest comic to ever live, George Carlin, is comparable. But I wouldn't recommend comparing yourself to him since it may result in a feeling of crippling ineptitude.

So the next time I talk about a person that is greater than everyone else, I will say "The preposterously talented Louis CK!" Go ahead and use that at your leisure.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Work Bloggin!

Small talk needs to fucking die.  It has no place in our lives.  I'm not even referring to "how was your day?" or "What's up?" because those are just conversation starters and I'd be quite the asshole, well a bigger asshole if I had a problem with those cursory statements.  I'm talking about "how was work?", comments on the weather we all are well aware of as fellow living things, and just things we generally don't care about, like people I don't know and don't care about, mostly celebrities and your family.

I love my family. Love them. But do I talk about what my sister is going to school for ever? Absolutely never.  Is that because I have no clue what she goes to school for? Noooo. That fact is irrelevant. She goes for something, I'm pretty sure. If you're reading this Adrianna, let me know sometime, love you! Anyways, wasn't that last sentence the most boring thing you've ever read? Precisely my point.

So don't tell me about your daughter's ballet recital.  Unless she's single, attractive (to me) and over 18.

Don't show me pictures of your baby, all babies look the same to me, actually most people under the age of 17 look the same to me, so forget them too.

Your dog is boring.  I have a cat I love. Wanna hear about him? google the word cat, that should sum it up.

Your work is boring, if you hear me talk about mattresses for more than 10 consecutive seconds you have permission to slap me across the face.

Don't talk to me about sports that aren't on ESPN or are soccer. That's a personal one, just an FYI.

And if this offends you in any way, good news, you don't have to talk to me! We both win! Well mostly me but whatever!  Good luck and take my advice and be interesting, people will love you or hate you, and that's better than getting stuck in shit conversations with people you hate right?