Work Bloggin!

Small talk needs to fucking die.  It has no place in our lives.  I'm not even referring to "how was your day?" or "What's up?" because those are just conversation starters and I'd be quite the asshole, well a bigger asshole if I had a problem with those cursory statements.  I'm talking about "how was work?", comments on the weather we all are well aware of as fellow living things, and just things we generally don't care about, like people I don't know and don't care about, mostly celebrities and your family.

I love my family. Love them. But do I talk about what my sister is going to school for ever? Absolutely never.  Is that because I have no clue what she goes to school for? Noooo. That fact is irrelevant. She goes for something, I'm pretty sure. If you're reading this Adrianna, let me know sometime, love you! Anyways, wasn't that last sentence the most boring thing you've ever read? Precisely my point.

So don't tell me about your daughter's ballet recital.  Unless she's single, attractive (to me) and over 18.

Don't show me pictures of your baby, all babies look the same to me, actually most people under the age of 17 look the same to me, so forget them too.

Your dog is boring.  I have a cat I love. Wanna hear about him? google the word cat, that should sum it up.

Your work is boring, if you hear me talk about mattresses for more than 10 consecutive seconds you have permission to slap me across the face.

Don't talk to me about sports that aren't on ESPN or are soccer. That's a personal one, just an FYI.

And if this offends you in any way, good news, you don't have to talk to me! We both win! Well mostly me but whatever!  Good luck and take my advice and be interesting, people will love you or hate you, and that's better than getting stuck in shit conversations with people you hate right?

Money doesn't buy happiness, it is happiness.

Do people listen to themselves when they talk ever? We're all guilty at some point or another of completely disregarding the sad fact that people don't give a shit about what we're talking about.  For me it's mostly when I talk about fantasy sports, a subject that is literally not even interesting to fellow players.  I call us "players" because that is really the only vain in which such a classification would be given.  But why on a persistent basis do people decide to bore other people with the most banal minutia ever conceived? It's almost as if for some people, the idea of a two way conversation is unthinkable.  As a self centered prick myself, even I find it fascinating when people like this actually complain about other people behaving the same way.  I don't know if it is some sort of unconscious defense mechanism that operates on it's own to protect the conscience from realizing just how dull they are as a person, but holy hypocrisy batman! All I'm saying is that if you're going to bore the shit out of me with stories about your aunt's birthday party having the best potato salad you've ever eaten, then be prepared to hear just how many fantasy points Lesean Mccoy got me this week to bring the Rainbow Jizzstains to a record of 6-4.  Stay interesting my friends.