Stop hating on shitty kids already!

What an outrage! Kids teasing a heavy set older woman, what monsters! What is wrong with those kids, and where are their parents?! They should be suspended, beaten, kicked off the bus, and excommunicated from the country!

Just a few things said during today's uproar over "Busgate".  So what is the issue at hand here really? Are kids really shittier than they were 10 years ago? I doubt it. I remember middle school, not great times for me whatsoever.  I was picked on for my voice, for my glasses, for dressing like a dork, and for being quiet (Funny how when I talked I was made fun of, and if I didn't I was STILL picked on). I dealt with it, hated the people that did it to me, and went on with my life.

Oh yeah, and along the way, I did my share of picking on others too, because, I was a shit kid too when it comes down to it. We all were. If there was someone below you on the social totem pole, guess what, they were your punching bag.

And yes, this extended beyond the confines of students. Lunch monitors got it on a daily basis. They were almost always older, obviously just working a part time job to supplement their Social Security to make ends meat. I know this now. But then? They were old losers who had nothing better to do than yell at me for talking too loud in study hall. I was quiet as I said, but I had friends that were bold enough to tell them these awful things to their face. It wasn't right, but did I laugh? Yes. Because I was a dumbass kid, and insulting teachers and any adult really was the height of hilarity.

Did those people deserve to have insults hurled at them from kids? Absolutely not. Did they expect restitution for what they endured while working? I'd assume not. They handled it professionally, and I truly do feel that kids cross the line a lot, but like I said, they're dumb, they're extraordinarily insecure in many cases, and most of all they're trying to impress their friends, which is the ultimate goal of anyone under the age of 17.

So put down your torches for a second and stop and think about the fact that you're ostracizing a bunch of kids for being shitty, when you know damn well you did plenty of things you probably regret to this day.  I feel bad for the woman, but I've heard they've raised over 50K for her so far so I'm pretty sure she'll be just fine.

P.S. If anybody wants to come make me cry and record it and put it on YouTube so I can get a bunch of charitable donations, just let me know the time and the place and I will be ready to make that money!

Lying is easier than you think

I was watching one of those crime shows about some wife who allegedly killed her husband, and I was feeling bad for the woman because she seemed so sincere with her innocent pleas, crying and looking like a woman who could not comprehend what was happening to her. It didn't make sense that this woman, seeming so innocent, could be capable of murder.

But then I started thinking, what if I was accused of murder, and it was true and I was guilty and I knew it. Faced with a life sentence in prison or execution most likely or at the very least a solid decade of prison life, I'm pretty sure I could muster up some pretty awesome acting skills to keep my ass safe from daily unwanted advances.

I'm a bad liar and I know it. But that's only because I'm sloppy with my lies for the most part. Being found out isn't much of a concern in most cases, since they're usually little lies mostly involving being too "tired".  But sometimes I'm a really good liar, which usually backfires since lying typically doesn't help situations but rather exacerbates the problems. Trust me (haha) I built a relationship on mountains of lies the size of Kilimanjaro.

I try to be honest in most situations, and when I do lie, it's either because I think the other person will be mad at me or disappointed in me if the truth slips out of my mouth or because I don't care about the person I'm lying to in the least. Not proud of the latter but it does happen, but you'd know damn well if I didn't care about you, and if those people don't, enjoy blissful unawareness.

But anyways, back to the point about liars on trial in a court of law(Are there other courts by the way? I'm going to start referring to basketball courts as a court of basketball).  My overall point is anyone can be lying, no matter how convincing, which is why evidence is so necessary. So the next time you see a crying woman looking so bewildered at the idea she would've killed her husband, remember the alternative to lying is living in a 8x10 cell for the rest of her life.

Social media & Me (A bizarre match)

Favstar. Instagram. Foursquare. Tweets that literally comprise of "What's up Twitter?". Asking for more followers because you're close to a certain number.


What the hell are we doing guys? Is this what society has come to these days? I'm just trying to understand, even in myself, why we seek validation from a group of mostly anonymous strangers we'll never meet. Why do we care where these people are? Why am I looking at a picture of sunsets all the time? I have questions, and I need answers to them.

Recently a really funny guy I only knew through Twitter, committed as us Tweeters call it, "Twittercide". (By the way, anything you do on Twitter, you change the word you use to put Twitter or "Tw" in front of said word, I know, this is what I'm talking about). He did it because it was building resentment within him, and I think that's a common theme with people who aren't completely consumed with themselves. I think everything I listed just speaks to the unnecessary "advances" in society.

Now I'm not saying everyone who uses those applications are self centered idiots(I have a Favstar, Foursquare, Twitter, Facebook, not Instagram, but that's mostly due to the fact I don't have a Smartphone), that's not the point I'm trying to make at all, if I even have a point. I'm just saying, there are people on Twitter who are "famous" for their Twitter accounts!What is this insanity?! Did these people set out to achieve ultimate Twitter fame? I'm not one to critique the goals of others, since I haven't achieved much myself, but you can cross of Twitter fame as a ultimate goal of mine.

Anyways, I've got 283 followers as of today. I'm not sure what that means. I assume some of them are somewhat entertained by my tweets sometimes. But for the most part you will find out on Twitter, the only reason people follow other people who aren't famous, is to be followed back. It's basically our way of saying "I'll only pretend to care about what you're saying if you promise to pretend to care about what I'm saying". I'll admit it, I unfollow people who aren't following me all the time for that reason.

So the final question, why do I do I occupy my time with all these things I clearly consider trivial at best? The easy answer is I am in fact self centered and consumed with people thinking I'm interesting and funny and giving me the attention I desperately seek in the real world. Which is probably true for the most part. Having a lot of time on my hands also plays a major factor. So yeah, that's probably it. Question, answered!

Anyways, follow me, like me, stalk me, send me lockets of your hair, whatever, just remember, if you don't care about other people, they don't care about you, and that's the only real takeaway I have from social media. The end.

Watch this, it's funny.

Being impractical but retaining value

I recently came to the realization that in my current situation (Unemployed and living with parents) I am almost completely useless to the world at large. I am contributing nothing to the economy other than my consistent alcohol consumption and the regular visits to fast food chains as well, which are hardly positives in my mind.  No I really have made no effort to contribute to society in any way shape or form of late. Also, even when I do eventually rejoin the workforce, I have no interest in doing a job well or climbing the proverbial corporate ladder.  Long story short, nothing really matters to me beyond some close personal relationships, which is what helps me retain value on this place we call earth.

I spend most of my days wasting time on the Internet to be perfectly honest. When I'm not, I'm usually texting, which is part of where my value as a person comes into play.  I consider myself to be a generally cool dude, not bragging I just get the sense that most of my friends enjoy having conversations with me, and vice-verse. People just want to be heard, they want to divulge information to others, and they want the people they care about to be engaged into their life and comment on it.  That's pretty much my specialty.

The biggest thing I like to provide to those I care about is blunt honesty. I don't have time for bullshit, so why should it be present in my closest relationships? It shouldn't, and if you're currently lying to your friends, you don't have a relationship with them.  I'm not saying go and hurt your friends feelings that's stupid, but when someone asks you for relationship advice, life advice, or a what would you do scenario, just be honest. Friends will appreciate it, people that don't probably weren't your friend to begin with.

So I guess my point is we all have some value in society, sometimes it's just not obvious. If you have even one friend who cares about you and needs you around, then you have value. The key is to strive for more, and in my case to strive for practical value.  But procrastination is a bitch, so for now, here I remain, blogging.

Writers block or general malaise?

So I'm a lazy fuck and I know it.  I willingly choose to not better myself nearly every day that I continue to exist, and for that I feel pretty guilty.  After becoming unemployed recently, it has become blatantly obvious that I use most of my free time to watch internet videos, watch netflix, watch tv, drink beer, talk to women, get ignored by women, get told to "stop staring at me" by women.  Anyways, you get the picture, I'm wasting inordinate amounts of time on trivial crap and it is wearing me out.

Tomorrow is March 19th, 2012, but it is also the day I make a full fledged attempt at contributing to society in some way that doesn't involve leaving a comment on someone elses facebook status.  I mean I'm in the 99.4 percentile of ESPN trivia for gods sake! At the current moment apparently 2883 people have less of a life than me, but that number is dwindling every day! Change isn't an option anymore, I've gotten fat now too. I'm officially fat and lazy, which disgusts me to no end. 

So no more of this I say. I'm introducing a little thing I like to call 'structure' to my life. Anyways this is a really boring blog entry and for that I apologize. Call it a public note to self.  Don't worry, this will be part of my structure, to write attempts at funny blog entries every night.

The incomparable whatever

I'm tired of the use of the word "incomparable". It's nearly always used to describe a person, typically a celebrity of some sort, and I've never understood it for a second. To me, everyone is comparable, every single person on the planet, no matter how unique they may be.

Now I'm not totally unaware of expressions. People often speak in hyperbole to magnify the relative importance of a person. But incomparable? The definition of incomparable is a subject for which comparison is impossible.

So...when is it impossible to compare a celebrity to another person? We all have similar qualities in some respect. Nobody is totally different from someone else, just like nobody is exactly the same as someone else. Which is why I say we can compare anyone to anyone.

Is Hitler incomparable? I'd compare other genocidal lunatics with him probably. Now, is his genocide of the Jewish people incomparable? Possibly since I can't think of anyone else who tried such a venture. But in general, killing people is typically comparable.

Is Michael Jordan incomparable? Not at all. But that's sports, and if you play the same sport as someone else, you can be compared to them. I could compare my basketball abilities to Jordan's, and while my abilities are dwarfed (And would be even if I stayed 24 forever and played against a 75 yr old Jordan).

So all I'm saying is everyone is essentially comparable. Even the greatest comic to ever live, George Carlin, is comparable. But I wouldn't recommend comparing yourself to him since it may result in a feeling of crippling ineptitude.

So the next time I talk about a person that is greater than everyone else, I will say "The preposterously talented Louis CK!" Go ahead and use that at your leisure.