Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Best of Twitter 8/8-8/14

Twitter is the bane of my existence, but sometimes, people on there are very funny and I think they deserve their due props. Will I mention myself? I'm narcissistic enough to have a blog, so the answer is of course yes. Well enough of this bullshit explanation, let's get to the tweets!

Using a quote to describe yourself is a fun way to say "unoriginal."

Romney at announcement wearing tie, no blazer. Ryan in blazer, no tie. HOLD ON TIGHT, AMERICA! [SFX: guitar shred]

I'd ask to see Paul Ryan's birth certificate but he looks like he was born during a fireworks show on the 4th in the bed of a Ford truck.

I'm trying to be more compassionate, but I'm finding it difficult since some of the people I know exist.

my therapist won't return my calls. Maybe I should stop referring to girls I meet at bars as my therapist.

Can anyone recommend a good podcast that has five dudes talking on top of each other for 40 minutes too long?

Katy Perry's lyrics are like one long shitty facebook status.

TLC must really hate Zach Braff

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