Talking to the internet: The story of all of us.

It's hard wanting to tell people your opinions when you don't matter to most people, I get it. We have Facebook, we have Twitter, we have Foursquare to tell people we don't know where we are for some bizarre hasn't been explained to me reason, we have Klout so some of us can even pretend we have influence on said people we don't talk to ever! We have so many apps geared towards the general population telling us "everybody cares about everything!" When the sad reality is we care about as far as other people care about us. Twitter is the ultimate in unadulterated narcissism. Cluttered with people ranging from major celebrities to your neighbor the stay at home mom who blogs about shit that literally only relates to other moms. We live in a world where everybody thinks their life is a sitcom and 99.99999% are so stupefyingly wrong. Or worse they think social media is some sort of diary where they can bitch about personal matters that should be kept to ones closest social circles.

I like my friends, a lot, they have interesting things to say on most subjects, and our topics of conversation are almost always stimulating. Barely any of them are seriously involved in social media, like at all. I envy their indifference to things like Twitter honestly. I go on it mostly to test out jokes or say non sequiturs for the entertainment for some Internet friends. I do not go there to recruit followers or "expand my influence" because in my opinion I have none, I'm just a guy trying to be funny. When I get a like, a favorite, a Re-tweet  I appreciate it as a compliment and contemplate whether or not I can turn it into a stand up joke. It has served as a solid creative outlet for me and its nice to be able to jot down inane or absurd ideas w my phone since my short term memory is astoundingly poor (insert pot joke here). Am I wrong to be disturbed about the posts about what people are eating, where they are, when they're working, how drunk they are, political opinions that serve only to sever ties with other people, and the worst one of all, how happy you are in your relationship? Yuck. Those statuses are a blatant fuck you to all single people. But you'll be back, *evil cackle* they all come back!

I may sound bitter, and I am very very bitter ya know since that "in a relationship" status taunts me at every turn. I guess I just want an idealized world where everyone tries to entertain everyone, and inane statuses that are always passive aggressive in nature and are rarely if ever seen by the intended party because god knows we fear confrontation more than death by firing squad. Why do I want that world? Because I'm a fucking narcissist who wants the world to be dictated by my every desire! But at least I admit it. Also fuck you and your "I don't want drama" bullshit. You know who you are.(See what I did there? Don't try to out passive aggression me, I'll fucking bury you!)

I wrote this one my phone so if the grammar suffers I apologize but it's 3 am and I must be lonely.(matchbox 20 lyrics ftw)

Twitter is crack, and I'm a fiend.

Hi I'm Vince, and I'm addicted to Twitter, Facebook, texting, blogging, check in in to various businesses for no sane reason, and generally being socially retarded with those I'm not comfortable being myself around.  It's a pretty shitty thing to be constantly choosing to patronize businesses based on their available wifi, especially being a grown man who makes poor real life decisions on a whim but has deep internal conflict about going to a restaurant where I can't immediately "check in".  Why am I like this? Well the likely and easy answer is I'm a completely fucked in the head individual who makes trivial decisions the bane of my existence so to avoid dealing with my current life situation, which is oh so unsavory.  Quite honestly that may be the answer, and I'm totally okay with that.  Because if I am crazy, which is something I pretty much aspire to be, I feel at least my craziness is devoid of narcissism or sociopathic qualities. 

I know that I say things on all these social media sites that essentially go out to hundreds of strangers, but it's the content of what I'm saying that I like to think makes me different than the countless people that provide personal updates on things that literally only they could care about.  Maybe my tweets and updates aren't funny or profound every time, but my goal isn't to pander to idiots with "relatable" bullshit that means nothing to anybody! I'm trying to entertain, and that's all there is to it.  If you see a status or tweet you consider to be trivial and dumb such as such gems like "What a blessed day" or "It's snowing!", just settle down, and be quelled with the knowledge that clearly my account has been hijacked by a porn peddling robot. I won't ever back down, and if you follow someone who needs to be reminded that you don't give a fuck about their family, their shitty day, their worthless life that they're pushing on your innocent eyes, give me their handle, I'll lay into them free of charge, hell I get off on it. Cheers to putting complete strangers in their place! Now let's all get wasted and tweet about it!

Oh by the way check out this guy Matt Fulchiron (@thefullcharge on twitter, he's funny trust me)

A lot of people on Twitter are remarkably dumb

If you don't know much about Twitter, it's a place people like myself go to say a few things that are on our minds at the moment.  It's like an orgy of thoughts, people saying whatever comes to their mind, and this can be really cool, but it can also be really bad.  One of the really bad parts about twitter is some people's constant need to say every god damn thing that happens to them as if their Twitter feed is some sort of low rent uninteresting reality show.  Some people are startlingly unaware of the fact that nobody cares that they hate their job, what music they're listening to, or where they're eating (Seriously I never knew how many narcissists existed before social networking, the number is staggering).  Listen, I'm sure I've said a lot of unfunny shit on Twitter, Facebook, etc, but I am trying to amuse people with every tweet.  It's like an open mic, some of it is received by crickets, other times I'll get a RT or 2 and feel really good.  Here's an example of a tweet that is so retarded, the Special Olympics called they want their IQ back...@Got_StupidJuice #Thosethreewords GImmie Dem Draws.  I'm just glad George Carlin wasn't around to see the complete and utter bastardization of the english language.  Just because there's 140 characters doesn't mean you have to be a complete and utter failure as a human being on display for the world to see.  Hopefully some people read this and learn, but more likely nobody will read and nobody will learn because that's the American way!

Good Luck Humanity

Video of the Day

Embarrassing song I listen to way too often

Judge me all you'd like, I enjoy it.