Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Why is it raining? Nevermind I pissed my pants...

So it's the day before Thanksgiving, we're all ready to completely ignore our daily routines of pretending to want to eat well and gorge ourselves on food prepared by our relatives while we contribute nothing more than a bowl of chex mix w M&Ms in it because we (well me definitely) are all family leeches around this time of year.  It starts with Thanksgiving, which is awesome don't get me wrong, and I don't mean in a celebrating the Pilgrims slaughtering Indians kind of way either.  In a way that taking a 30 minute shower is awesome, you know it's overindulgent and gluttonous behavior but who gives a shit pass the stuffing, I'm going for seconds, thirds, fourths, and then I'll pass out on the couch watching football, because THAT is how I roll on Thanksgiving. 

But Thanksgiving is only the beginning.  Let's be honest Christmas is already here folks, and we aren't even all that resistant to its fat ass ambassador Santa.  It's the "season of giving" they say...yeah, ok.  I'm not sure about all of you, well yes I am you're selfish or in denial about being selfish, whatever, but everytime I go Christmas shopping, it's like I'm on a personal wish list spree.  What does my mom want? What do I get my God Daughter? I have no fucking idea what they want that they don't already have, but I know damn well I need a new hoodie and I'm at the mall already so ipso facto, I'm leaving with a hoodie and gift cards to Coldstone and Baby Gap.  Not to say I don't love buying things for people, but I have no discretionary income for other people.  That's something adults can do, but not I.  So for now, I'm going to buy the people close to me one of those Delta Sonic/Applebees half ass, completely thoughtless gift certificate thingys, and stick to buying the real stuff for myself, since who knows me better than me?  If you say Santa, stop reading this and get back to your coloring book kid.  Merry effin Christmas and eat all you want, I'm out!

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