I've now been stopped by the police a whopping 9 times. I've been stopped for speeding (Twice), broken tail light (Twice), being parked in a non-parking zone (To be fair I wasn't driving but it was one of the poorest decisions of my life that got me there), one time that involved illicit drug use on school property, Not having a seat belt on (Passenger, not me, I am a proud seat belt wearing American!), and the most recent one, which was speeding but quickly became suspicion of drunken driving. Here's the good news folks, of all those stops, your buddy Vince (You're reading this you're my fucking buddy OK?) has gotten out of every single one scot free. I'm not sure if it's my white skin, my shitty car, or the adorably pathetic look I give every cop that says "Look at me, do you really wanna pile more shit on this dump?", but whatever the case I thank each of those cops for their mercy and the fact that I completely dominated the field sobriety test last night. Got to 34 one thousand standing on one foot before he passed me back onto the road. For a moment at least, I was the Aaron Rodgers of sobriety tests. 1-0, I hope to retire undefeated in that regard. If I was the Tim Tebow of those tests, I'd have been in the back of his car after falling over myself on the 1st test.
Oh and fuck parking police, those assholes/cunts can all eat a bag of shit covered dicks.
Here's an oldie but a goodie