Girls are pretty

I wouldn't say I'm egotistical but I don't often give thought to things that don't affect me in some way.  I think that's pretty normal but something we don't really acknowledge because it sounds so self centered and not endearing.  But it is totally true, because more often than not I do give great thought to how my decisions will affect me.  It just varies on long term effect and short term effect.  My problem is that I think long term but can only make effective decisions for myself in the short term.  For example, when I have a desire, whether it be to write a screenplay, run a 5k race, or forget those two previous ideas and write a blog, I act on that with the intent on making myself happy at the current moment. The only time we really regret things is when they're still affecting us after they happened.  (Editors note: Vince just went on facebook for 10 minutes, then he typed this because he thought that was amusing. Third person is fun.) For example if I go see a shitty movie, which is quite often these days, I pay for a ticket, lose that hour and a half, and go on with my life.  Maybe I shit on the movie to people but in general I forget I even saw it (Yeah Contagion, I forgot I even watched your overrated garbage movie, you're fucking irrelevant!)

But I'm talking about decisions that will shit on you for years and years.  Relationships. Jobs. A degree you take out private loans to pay for and gets you nowhere.  You may notice some bitterness on that last one, and that's good because it's quite palpable.  So if you ask me if I regret going to a private school for a degree I'm currently having finding no use for other than a coaster in my room at my moms house where I live at age 24, I'll answer it in two parts.  Yes I regret having to shell out $300+ each month for that coaster/degree, no doubt about it I am not doing well enough in life to piss away that kind of money on the equivalent to having a fucking star named after me.  But no I don't regret making that horrible decision because now I'm forced to deal with it every day.  And that makes me who I am today.  Do I believe in fate? I don't know really, I just believe things are going to happen, and every day that I continue to be able to say and do whatever I want really, is a pretty good day.  You worry me America, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Now go back to your regularly scheduled binge eating.

Brick where'd you get a grenade?

I love stereotypes.  I don't judge people solely based on them, but I find it is very accurate in certain cases.  We can all pretend to subscribe to the notion of judging a book by its cover, but the truth of the matter is we see a Mexican janitor and we're not thinking "that guy probably mows through a lot of Dostoevsky", no, we're thinking "that guy probably mows a mean lawn".  Racist? Yeah probably, but it's just something we deal with on a daily basis.  The same way we typically think people look smarter when they wear glasses, and as far as I know my intelligence does not magically increase when I throw on my cheap spectacles, although they should work on a way to make that happen immediately. 

This brings me to the customer base of a haircut chain called Lady Jane's.  I had the "pleasure" of watching people go in and out of that place for a solid 4 hours (I work next door to their place) and boy, it didn't do a lot to dismiss the notion that every person that goes there has major insecurity issues and is in desperate need of a strong woman in their life.  I totally get the idea of having a cute girl cut my hair, I imagine it is a way better experience than an old man whose hair cutting skills are diminishing by the week, and what with the Penn St and Syracuse business, I'm pretty sure I have to look for another place to get my hair cut. 

But it's the way their commercials sell sex as literally the only reason to go there.  It's basically a horny guidos wet dream.  Which really makes me wonder why nobody has come up with a strip club hair salon.  We already cater to the lowest common denominator in every way i.e. Jeff Dunham, Cable Guy, Adam Sandler movies, fox cartoons, GOP candidates), so why not just go the extra mile and show some boobs to these sad souls with nothing more to live for.  I'm ok with it as long as it keeps them away from me and the reality I live in.  But no guy in the commercials, your place is not "Wicked Awesome". Go to hell.

Here's the video I see every time I see those guys

It burns not I for I was conceived in hell fire. FOX NEWS!

Megyn Kelly Pepper Spray Thanksgiving - watch more funny videos

Why is it raining? Nevermind I pissed my pants...

So it's the day before Thanksgiving, we're all ready to completely ignore our daily routines of pretending to want to eat well and gorge ourselves on food prepared by our relatives while we contribute nothing more than a bowl of chex mix w M&Ms in it because we (well me definitely) are all family leeches around this time of year.  It starts with Thanksgiving, which is awesome don't get me wrong, and I don't mean in a celebrating the Pilgrims slaughtering Indians kind of way either.  In a way that taking a 30 minute shower is awesome, you know it's overindulgent and gluttonous behavior but who gives a shit pass the stuffing, I'm going for seconds, thirds, fourths, and then I'll pass out on the couch watching football, because THAT is how I roll on Thanksgiving. 

But Thanksgiving is only the beginning.  Let's be honest Christmas is already here folks, and we aren't even all that resistant to its fat ass ambassador Santa.  It's the "season of giving" they say...yeah, ok.  I'm not sure about all of you, well yes I am you're selfish or in denial about being selfish, whatever, but everytime I go Christmas shopping, it's like I'm on a personal wish list spree.  What does my mom want? What do I get my God Daughter? I have no fucking idea what they want that they don't already have, but I know damn well I need a new hoodie and I'm at the mall already so ipso facto, I'm leaving with a hoodie and gift cards to Coldstone and Baby Gap.  Not to say I don't love buying things for people, but I have no discretionary income for other people.  That's something adults can do, but not I.  So for now, I'm going to buy the people close to me one of those Delta Sonic/Applebees half ass, completely thoughtless gift certificate thingys, and stick to buying the real stuff for myself, since who knows me better than me?  If you say Santa, stop reading this and get back to your coloring book kid.  Merry effin Christmas and eat all you want, I'm out!



You're gonna die clown!

So, I've been a sports fan for as long as I can remember, paying attention to scores, games, what have you, for no real purpose that I can explain to a rationally thinking person.  My biggest "vice" is the Philadelphia Eagles, who continue to be the bane of my existence in every way.  They say that art imitates life(pretty sure that's the quote, call it 80% sure) and in that vain, I have taken that idea to the most extreme of extremes. 

For whatever reason I tend to notice similarities between my life and the Eagles on a regular basis.  Let's start with the basics:

The Eagles have never won the Super Bowl...they always come up short and are usually just good enought to get my hopes up every single year.  If I'm being pessimistic about my life, which is always good fun, I believe that the Eagles futility somehow reflects onto me as a person and creates this totally irrational feeling that no matter what I do, I will never achieve ultimate success.

Now that in and of itself is completely stupid and anyone reading this probably thinks I'm either an idiot or a lunatic or both, and you're probably half right with that assessment.  But recently it's actually become a fun game for me to distract me from reality.  Truth is, my reality is I'm a broke single college grad living with my parents.  Not exactly the definition of success in any way shape or form.  But I'm hardly mopey about it, well sometimes but I am human(I think), so when shit gets real I do get down from time to time.  But that reality does not bum me out for long because living life is a distraction in many ways.  Is it unrealistic to believe that the success of a bunch of highly paid athletes performing poorly somehow correlates to myself being unsuccessful in the dating world? Of course it is!  But what fun would it be to just talk about how all my problems are a direct result of my own personal actions? None at all I say. 

So what if I believe the consummation and subsequent end of my longest relationship was a mirror image of the Donovan Mcnabb era in Philadelphia?  It's not supposed to make sense to you, it's supposed to make you laugh.  And that people, is what nearly everything I do is about.  So I submit to you the reader to please have fun with life, distract yourself from our shitty government problems, and maybe consider relating your life to something totally ridiculous, it works for me.

Video of the day

No that's not a crackhead, that's a tree.

Today I put in my 2 weeks notice at my employer.  I gave them a three sentence explanation.  I said was leaving the 25th, and thanks for the opportunity.  Here's what I would have loved to say to them if I had the balls to make it outrageously awkward over the last 5 days I work there...

Hey Pricks,

I'm leaving in T-minus 5 days, just enough time to realize what an idiotic mistake you made making me full time and not bothering to bump up my pay even a marginal amount to appease me.  More Souls Crushed, More Days Ruined, that's the power of the (Insert retail hell hole).

Yours truly,

Vince

Video of the Day

Drew Magary quote of the day
"Last Friday Night (TGIF)," by Katy Perry. And I can't believe this song hasn't been the subject of a fierce backlash from Jezebel commenters yet. "There's a stranger in my bed"? "Think we kissed but I forgot"? "It's a blacked out blur, but I'm pretty sure it ruled"? My God, young woman! Don't you see that you are perpetuating the typical patriarchal superiorist fantasy of a submissive drunken woman? That wasn't a menage-a-trois you had. That was a manage-a-RAPE. Little girls are gonna hear that song and think it's okay to repeatedly get drunk and have your party dress ripped. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

A lot of people on Twitter are remarkably dumb

If you don't know much about Twitter, it's a place people like myself go to say a few things that are on our minds at the moment.  It's like an orgy of thoughts, people saying whatever comes to their mind, and this can be really cool, but it can also be really bad.  One of the really bad parts about twitter is some people's constant need to say every god damn thing that happens to them as if their Twitter feed is some sort of low rent uninteresting reality show.  Some people are startlingly unaware of the fact that nobody cares that they hate their job, what music they're listening to, or where they're eating (Seriously I never knew how many narcissists existed before social networking, the number is staggering).  Listen, I'm sure I've said a lot of unfunny shit on Twitter, Facebook, etc, but I am trying to amuse people with every tweet.  It's like an open mic, some of it is received by crickets, other times I'll get a RT or 2 and feel really good.  Here's an example of a tweet that is so retarded, the Special Olympics called they want their IQ back...@Got_StupidJuice #Thosethreewords GImmie Dem Draws.  I'm just glad George Carlin wasn't around to see the complete and utter bastardization of the english language.  Just because there's 140 characters doesn't mean you have to be a complete and utter failure as a human being on display for the world to see.  Hopefully some people read this and learn, but more likely nobody will read and nobody will learn because that's the American way!

Good Luck Humanity

Video of the Day

Embarrassing song I listen to way too often

Judge me all you'd like, I enjoy it.